Posts Tagged ‘ relationships ’

I Love wikiHow, or, “this how to look in a club so boys will rock your life”

WikiHow is the greatest thing on the internet.

How To Look Simple Yet Stunning

Get some neon tee shirts from a thrift store.

If no handgrips or purses are available you can get a bookbag with glitter.

How To Stay In Love

4. Love the other person.

Oh, right!

How To Survive Under Martial Law

Things You’ll Need

  • Common Sense

Bolded emphasis not mine, but original. Indeed.

How To Share The Road With Cyclists

Don’t be in such a hurry.

How To Dress Up That Little Black Dress

Want to read the dowdiest style advice in the history of the internet?

3. Add pantyhose. Pantyhose even out your skin tone on your legs and provide the finishing touch to the look. For evening wear, sheer black or gray tinted pantyhose are an excellent choice.

Ew. By the end of this article, you will have put on pantyhose, jewelry (the plural), a belt, a scarf, gloves (white for daytime!), a bag, makeup matched to "the main color scheme arising from your accessories, shoes, and pantyhose" (that emphasis is mine HA), and headwear and hair accessories (they suggest a well-placed hat for, among other things, royal events).

Guys, how you dress up a little black dress is getting one that fits you and then putting on one awesome accessory, preferably either a family heirloom or something enormous and sparkly you bought at Claire’s. Tell ’em Melissa sent you.

Also, one of the girls in one of the pictures is wearing a dress that is decidedly blue.

How To Dress To Make Yourself Look Skinnier

Nail polish is very important.

How To Get Your Overly Sensitive Boyfriend To Dump You

Carefully consider whether this method is right for you. The steps below will cause your sensitive boyfriend a great deal of pain and trauma, much more than ending the relationship directly. It may even scar them permanently. Your mind must be made up that you want to cause this pain and trauma, or you may be unable to go through with it. This is also a good time to consider whether this is right for your relationship. Consider a direct break up. Using these steps as a first resort could backfire on you, causing strain between yourself and others, who may perceive you to be creating an abusive relationship.

Okay. Look. Okay.

How To Be Kind

Actually, I love this one.

Through being kind, you take a stand by affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life. It isn’t about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.

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On Marriage, Commitment and Riding the Rails

I got in a little fight about gay marriage at the party in Brooklyn. (I don’t think my opponent noticed we were in a fight – but S, one of the girls I was there with, sure did, and joked about it for the rest of the evening. Oops, guess I got a little political!) Anyway, I don’t know how gay marriage came up – but it was suggested that it is free and clear for us in DC. It is not, as state-by-state same-sex marriage is different from regular straight-people marriage. I believe my words were, "Federal tax law. It’s kind of a big deal." Then this dear, somewhat vague, well-meaning liberal girl repeated a few times, "What is marriage, anyway?" And finally I couldn’t help but say something like, "Well, if nothing else, it’s a pretty long list of a specific legal, financial and health benefits that are denied to a lot of people." (The phrasing may have been less mild and more intoxicated than that, I am not entirely sure. Ahem.)

Okay, maybe that is not much of a fight. S thought it was pretty funny, though. She said that the discussion surprised her, since she’s used to hanging out with a more radical queer circle that rejects the notion of marriage altogether. I’ve been there. I still think it should be easier for single adults to legally establish their true "next-of-kin," and that everyone could be cared for more completely by social supports instead of family foundations or life-partnerships, that many marriage benefits could and should be separated from marriage.

But as I get older, more established, as I become an unrecognizable person who thinks about her retirement accounts and who has friends with in-laws, I can see that there are practical benefits to codifying two intertwined lives with a marriage contract. To grow together, to separate fairly if necessary. I’m not sure I’m reconciled to the romantic forever bits of it yet, to all the emotional schmoopy "celebrating our love" noise, but y’all, it took me long enough to realize "taxes actually matter!" so maybe I just have to go at my own pace.

Meanwhile – while I doubt I’ll be getting married anytime soon – cohabitation might be on the table. My girlfriend and I have talked about it, and have a plan for considering living together that does not involve considering living together for a little while. We seem to have crossed some invisible line, though (I think it was after we’d been together six or seven months) where the question "How long have you been dating?" is immediately succeeded by "Do you live together?"

So far, it’s been an awkward moment every time.

I’ve moved through this relationship faster than anything else I’ve ever done, and it hasn’t felt too fast – just right. And while we have said the big words and had the big talks, I’m trying to do myself the favor of not over-analyzing it. I have always been a sullen and introverted thing, and real commitment, showing up maturely and kindly in each conversation and conflict, is wicked hard. Frankly it lacks the doomed punk-rock glamor I always figured would be my due, since riding the crazy train right off the rails has generally been my reaction to struggle. Striving for happiness instead of being cynical about it requires bravery I’m not sure I actually have, so each time it’s necessary I just dig deep and focus on the present. The rewards – all of which, so far, have been of the emotional schmoopy variety rather than legal or financial, I suppose – are profound, in kindnesses returned and of course in growing up.